


The Flaws of Memory

by NeurotropicAgentX



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Graphic Violence, M/M, Murder - Kind Of, Self...? Harm...?, Selfcest, The Dark Side of the Force, Tread Carefully, Weird Dream Logic, Which is Eroticised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 11:36:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10921017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeurotropicAgentX/pseuds/NeurotropicAgentX
Summary: In his dreams, Ben is stalked by a masked figure wielding the dark side of the Force. In his dreams, Kylo Ren destroys the weak parts of himself and glories in it.





	The Flaws of Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thank you to my editor who is awesome at this.

Even while he slept, Ben's emotions churned inside him. His training with Master Luke was going poorly and he'd been suspended from using a lightsaber. Again. It hadn't even been his fault. He was a much better fighter than any of the other students and none of them could really push him. What was the point of going easy on them? They had to learn sooner or later.

Now he'd been stripped of the privilege of lightsaber work and was back to meditating with the beginners in order to 'develop his focus' and 'clear his mind'. It was humiliating. He could tell that Master Luke was afraid of him, afraid of his power. He was always watching, always ready with a rebuke whenever Ben stepped even a hair over some imaginary line. The other students were easily cowed by Master Luke and his vague warnings about the dark side.

Ben wasn't so easily intimidated. Sometimes when he pushed himself or one of the other students far enough he'd brush up against this... feeling in the Force. It was vast and powerful and not at all repulsive in the way that Master Luke described it. He could easily imagine using it accidently, especially when he was angry. Supposedly it was dangerous, addictive and he knew how much it scared his teacher. Ben told himself that he wasn't afraid of it. He wasn't afraid of anything.

‘Really? _You're_ not afraid? You're afraid of your own shadow. Of your own _power_.'

Ben wheeled around. The grey mist around him parted to reveal a dark figure shrouded in robes and wearing a face-concealing mask. His solid presence was a stark contrast to the wisps of fog that obscured their surroundings.

'Who are you?' Ben demanded, his heartbeat quickening in his chest.

'More than you could begin to comprehend,' said the figure. Ben snorted. 'But you can call me Kylo Ren.' 

'Kylo Ren? That sounds made up.' It also sounded impressive, but Ben wasn't about to say that. Instead he tried to determine if ‘Kylo’ was armed. It didn't look like he was carrying a blaster. Ben wasn't armed, no blaster, no... wait. There was a training lightsaber clipped to his belt. But hadn't Master Luke confiscated it...? 

Ben blinked a few times, trying to get his thoughts in order. He turned to one side, ostensibly presenting a smaller target, but also making sure Kylo wouldn't be able to see the way his hand crept to the hilt of the lightsaber. A training lightsaber couldn't cut through someone, but it could deflect blaster bolts. 

Kylo took another step forward. 'Better than a name like "Ben". The next step in a legacy that's brought nothing but disorder and weakness to the galaxy. And you're a disappointment even to that.'

Ben's insides twisted at those words. 'Do I know you?' he asked. 'Because you seem to have some pretty strong opinions about someone you've never met.'

Kylo gave a mirthless laugh. The sound distorted oddly through his helmet. Ben shivered. For all his bravado there was something about that voice that disturbed him, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. 'I've known you longer than I care to and I know all your weak points. All your little fears and frustrations. Your rage.'

It should have sounded silly, but each of Kylo's words struck far too close. Ben tried laughing it off, knowing it sounded forced. 'Sure, that sounds reasonable and not at all delusional.'

Kylo didn't respond and instead unclipped something from his belt. The lightsaber sprang to life in his hand, its red blade piercing through the mist. The crossguard flared to life as well, venting unstable energy channelled through its cracked synth crystal. Wait. How had he known that?

'What are you?' Ben demanded. 'Some kind of Sith? I'm pretty sure they're all dead.'

'They are. But that's not going to stop me from achieving my destiny, from following in Darth Vader's footsteps.'

Ben's response died on his tongue. He'd only heard about Vader's story recently when Leia's parentage had come to light. From there he's pieced it together from rumours and old sources and the bits his parents and uncle had let slip. Darkness ran through their family. He was proof enough of that.

'Come on, _Ben_ , draw your weapon. I know you've been waiting to since we began this conversation,' Kylo said.

Ben scowled, not liking to be ordered around, but he wasn't about to let Kylo stand there with a live lightsaber without drawing his own. The weight of the hilt in his hand was different than his training lightsaber and when he activated it he could _feel_ that the blade in his hand was real and deadly. 

Kylo let out a satisfied sound as he eyed the unwavering blue beam. His red-bladed weapon whirled around his body in a blur and he sprang forwards. Ben barely brought his weapon up in time. Kylo was _fast_. Faster than the other students, maybe faster than Master Luke. It was all Ben could do to parry each strike as it came and dodge around those he couldn't. There was no way to mount his own attack, no space left for aggression in the face of Kylo's overwhelming brutality.

As they fought it gradually dawned on Ben that Kylo was ignoring openings that he could have exploited. He never pushed his attack forward that extra bit that would ensure his victory.

 _He's playing with me_ , Ben realised with mounting dread. But instead of panicking, Ben's resolve strengthened. An opponent that liked to play with their food left themself open for retaliation. Indignation and anger burned low in Ben's core, but he stifled it before making his attack.

Ben swung his weapon in a tight arc, aiming to slash across Kylo's body. It wouldn't have worked in any other circumstance and it left his defences wide open, but Kylo wasn't trying to kill him. Ben's lightsaber burned across Kylo's left arm and chest and would have left a much worse wound if Kylo hadn't leapt backwards.

'What was that about knowing my weak points?' Ben taunted. 'Seems like I found one of yours.'

‘We’ll see,' said Kylo. Even through the distortion, Ben could sense Kylo's rage. He smirked in response.

This time Kylo was focused when he attacked. His blows were directed and each strike jarred Ben's wrist. The ugly red lightsaber was stronger than his blade. The flaws in its synthetic kyber crystal pushed the lightsaber toward overload, sacrificing stability for more power. 

On the next strike, Kylo locked his blade against Ben's and used his superior strength to bear down on their crossed lightsabers. Ben's lips pulled back in a snarl as he tried to push back, but gradually, inexorably, Kylo forced their locked blades toward his face.

Ben screamed as his own blade burned the side of his face. The distraction of the pain gave Kylo enough of an opening to twist and wrench Ben's lightsaber away. The blue blade winked out as it left Ben's hands and was flung out through the mist. He didn't hear it land. Ben backed away from Kylo's lightsaber until he hit a wall. Durasteel? Like a ship? 

Kylo matched him step for step, keeping the unstable lightsaber between them, until only the ragged blade separated them from each other. Ben’s heart was hammering in his chest. He knew how easily that blade could slice through him. He’d seen it happen when Kylo had cut down Master Luke’s students. The scent of burned flesh and blood had filled his nose, even past his helmet, and the sound of their pained and terrified screams was still clear and fresh in his head. Ben’s vision seemed to blur as he stared at that lightsaber. ‘Don’t,’ he said, trying to sound strong, knowing he was begging. ‘Don’t kill me. Please.’

The sound of Kylo's laughter grated through his vocoder. ‘Be careful what you wish for,’ he said and deactivated his lightsaber.

Ben’s eyes widened even further, following the weapon as it was returned to Kylo's belt. Kylo splayed his hand and pinned Ben back against the wall. 'You can sense that, can't you?' Kylo asked. 'The power of the dark side.' 

Ben could still speak, Kylo had allowed him that. 'I can sense that you're someone playing at being a Sith.’ His voice trembled, but the words were clear. The dark side was coiling thickly between them, its power almost palpable in the air.

Kylo punched Ben in the face. Ben couldn’t even flinch away from the blow, let alone avoid it. A sharp cry escaped his lips and tears welled in his eyes. 

Blood oozed from his nose and down his upper lip. Kylo cupped Ben’s face in his hand, wiping the blood away, then forced his bloodied thumb into Ben’s mouth. It took Ben a few seconds to realise he could bite. Kylo inhaled sharply, though the reinforced material of his gloves barely indented beneath Ben's teeth. He tugged his thumb free. 

Ben spat at him. 'What the kriff is wrong with you?' he challenged. 

The false bravado was getting tiresome. Kylo knew Ben was afraid and he wanted to see it. The dark side responded to his call and he wrapped its power around Ben's throat. He wasn't good at this yet, the precision of it often eluded him. But in this place, where willpower was more important than finesse, Ben's airflow was cut off and Kylo bared his teeth beneath his helmet in a vicious smile.

The fear was back in Ben's expression and his mouth gaped soundlessly as he tried to draw breath. Having his body immobilised seemed to be panicking Ben now as much as the lack of air. Kylo made a note to remember the technique. 

As satisfying as it was to watch Ben trying to struggle, it was too... impersonal. Kylo reached out and wrapped his hand around Ben's throat as well. The added pressure was completely unnecessary, but he could feel Ben's pulse thundering under his fingers, even through his glove. He squeezed down, the physical immediacy of it sending a dark thrill through him.

Kylo let Ben choke beneath his hand for more than a minute. He only let him go just at the edge of unconsciousness. Suffocation would be too painless and it wouldn't satisfy the roaring in the back of Kylo's mind. Ben heaved a deep lungful as soon as he was able. It was an even chance on whether he'd beg or swear as soon as he got his breath back.

‘Why are you doing this?’ Ben gasped. 

Kylo had had his fill of playing. His desire for violence had settled hot and deep in his gut. It was time for Ben to understand exactly what they were and just maybe it would be enough. Kylo unclasped his helmet and drew it off, enjoying the shock almost as much as the horror in Ben’s soft eyes.

‘No,’ Ben said in a strangled whisper.

‘Yes,’ Kylo replied, a cruel smile forming on his lips. The helmet in his hands faded into the mist now that it was no longer required. ‘I’m the full realisation of what you could be. I’m what happens when you stop holding yourself back and clinging to those petty weaknesses that were instilled in you.’

‘No,’ Ben repeated. ‘No. We’re nothing alike. You’re a twisted image of what happens if I’m weak enough to give in.’

Kylo found himself sneering. ‘I’m sure it’s easy for you to see weakness wherever you look. But you’re right about one thing. We _are_ nothing alike. Not with you like this.’ Kylo’s lightsaber appeared in his hand and sprang back to life as he lifted it up between them.

Ben had no time to form a final protest. Kylo didn’t draw it out and simply drove his lightsaber through Ben’s chest. A scream tore from Ben's throat, before the damage to his lungs strangled the sound. Kylo’s face was a calm mask as the weakest parts of himself choked on what must have been excruciating pain. He watched intently though, capturing the details of Ben’s face as it twisted in anguish and pain. 

The wound from a lightsaber cauterised instantly. The only reason blood bubbled up and spilled across Ben’s lips was because Kylo willed it so. He leant in and pressed his lips against Ben’s gasping mouth. The taste of blood was familiar and Kylo licked the excess from the edge of his lip as he leaned back, just to watch that last wave of horror pass across Ben’s face. The way his broken noises stuttered into silence was… satisfying. Kylo waited until Ben was dead before deactivating his lightsaber and letting the corpse fall to the ground. It disappeared after a brief moment.

Kylo opened his eyes. 

His knees ached from kneeling on the durasteel floor of his quarters, the pain focusing his meditation. His heart was racing from the confrontation and sweat beaded on his brow. He could still taste blood, but it was from his own mouth, where his teeth had split his lip during those final rapturous moments. The rush of adrenaline and the pleasure of victory still ran through his body, making him tremble.

This had been a productive session. 'Ben' kept springing up like a weed in the back of Kylo's mind. The best way to address the problem was through dark side meditation. He would envision himself stalking through his own mind and righting the disorder at the root.

Strength came from murdering the weakest parts of himself, and Kylo revelled in his strength. He replayed the sound of Ben's scream as he'd burned, the flicker of terror in his face when he'd run him through. It was necessary and it was good. Kylo stood and stretched out his stiff muscles. He told himself that he looked forward to the next time he would hunt down Ben and burn out these contaminating threads of light.


End file.
